My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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