You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
