My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
