I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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