Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
