not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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