my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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