Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
