awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
