but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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