no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize