I think I died a long time ago.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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