Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
