He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
