The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
