Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
