Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
