I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize