do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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