Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize