Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
