There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
