Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
