shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
