I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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