I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Still dying that you shit outside
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
