I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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