I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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