I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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