Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dicks are not precious.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
