enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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