he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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