Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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