This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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