Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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