This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
