remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
