Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize