I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize