I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
