it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
