I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize