Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
