New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
