Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize