his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
