idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
