Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
