I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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