i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
