Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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