Nicole vs. Life
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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