i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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