someone get that fucking seahorse.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
