I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
