Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
