it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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