I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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