I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
