My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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