Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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