I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize