omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
